And second, it’s much easier to date someone who speaks the same language.” Bryan thinks about it for a second before adding, “Some will say it’s two mentally ill people going out with each other, but I think many of us that are sober can work through our disease in order to have a healthy relationship.” According to Melody Anderson, a family and addiction expert in Los Angeles, if both parties are working a solid program of recovery, they can have even better chances than non-alcoholics of a successful partnership.
“All relationships are difficult—that’s just a fact,” she says.
By the time you finish reading this handy guide, you will be armed with several strategies for effectively dating somebody who is now in recovery.
In the past, Shelley’s held two long-term relationships, but she remains single.
One day, Shelley meets Steve through an online dating website.
But not all sober relationships are of the shotgun nature; for many who find love on the AA campus, sober relationships can mirror the rest of world—meaning they’re hard, scary, and (usually) worth the effort.
Bryan is a recovered insurance agent from Houston who, at 42, is 10 years sober and recently married to a woman he met in AA.
Red flags include often focusing on the one thing that is a little off in an otherwise perfect situation, being unable to let go and enjoy themselves (without substances, if not sober), continually bringing up a past mistake you made despite the fact that you apologized, and an ever present state of irritation, depression, or anger.
Red flags include calling you at work, in the middle of the night, or while you are with your friends and expecting you to stop what you’re doing to come help; not learning a simple task despite being shown multiple times; and joking that you are a parent and they are your child.If your partner needs support, couples counseling and ALANON meetings are recommended.Oftentimes people in recovery are apprehensive about revealing their sobriety for fear of judgment.At first, Shelley is crazy about Steve, but she subsequently discovers Steve is a recovered addict.Unfortunately, Shelley feels Steve’s prior addiction is due to some sort of moral failing on his part.Whether you are single and getting sober, or recovery is a part of your relationship, here are some tips to help you date smarter and safer. A therapeutic environment is a necessity for learning more functional patterns of behavior and gaining insight into the origins of your disease.